Not too long ago, I crossed a restaurant that shall remain nameless off my list after I got sick there for the third time. It's the sort of place that should be perfect --- they're willing to make substitutions, they make most of their dishes from scratch, and the staff is quite friendly.

But it seems like every time I go there something happens. I've asked about ingredients and been assured they were fine, only to have the waitress inform me midway through my meal that the chef had "double-checked" and there was a problem after all. And despite reassurances that my meals would be cooked in clean pans, I've gotten sick from simple meals that shouldn't have had any issues.

It's not uncommon for restaurants to be, shall we say, less than clear about what it takes to keep customers with food allergies and sensitivities safe. A 2007 study in the Annals of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology, based on a survey of a cross-section of cooks, servers, and managers from a variety of restaurants, found that a significant percentage of restaurant personnel held beliefs that could be dangerous to your health. Nearly one-quarter of the personnel surveyed believed that small amounts of allergens were acceptable for allergic individuals, while 35% believed fryer heat destroyed allergens.

There are three subtle things that make me a little nervous whenever I hear them at a restaurant:

1.) "Sure, we can handle that..."

...the moment I've said, "I have a food intolerance," before I let them know what it is. Yes, there are some chef-run places that make everything from scratch (so they know what goes into everything) and have good awareness of cross-contamination and may indeed be able to handle almost any allergy situation. But I've had ultra-confident "Sure, we can handle that!" places not even be able to handle my very common, not-too-complicated food issues. To me, it's often a sign that a restaurant is more concerned with filling the seats than meeting my needs.

2.) "I'm sorry, but we can't make any substitutions."

A restaurant that isn't willing to be at all flexible is likely not equipped to deal with the needs of a diner with food allergies or sensitivities. Be especially leery if you're asking for a simple substitution like changing out a side dish or having a garnish or topping omitted. Few places are this rigid, but avoid the ones that are.

3.) "I'm sure it's fine. Really. I'm positive. There's no need to check with the kitchen."

I'm always uncomfortable eating anywhere if I get resistance about checking with the kitchen, even if they ultimately do it. I always want to feel that the waitstaff will take the time to convey my concerns to the chef thoroughly, and that the chef will check them out completely (and ask me if there are any questions). Serious resistance to checking with the kitchen makes me question whether that's going to happen.

I'd honestly rather be told that a restaurant can't accommodate me -- or something along the lines of "all you can eat here is the salad" -- than have a restaurant give the illusion of safety and not deliver.

More about eating out with allergies:

• Eight Tips for Eating Out with Food Allergies
• How to Avoid Cross-Contamination